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The IN-LAWS or The WIFE? (Question & Answer)


{This was a real email sent to me!}

Dear W.I.F.E (BernettaStyle)

Who should the husband listen to? His momma or his main lady? What should I think of a man that is always running to his parents for advice or whatever? Has your husband ever had to choose between his parents and you?

A wife with in-law issues!


Dear Wife with In-law issues,

Oooooh this is a good one. Just looking at the topic alone, I would automatically say choose “The WIFE”. I am not going to quote the bible right now, but you know it says “cleave and become one”. I believe once you say I do, then your spouse becomes a part of you and should be number 1. Not his mama or your mama (or the daddy’s), but your spouse. It may be hard to say, but choosing between a parent and a spouse shouldn’t be a question or an option.

It comes a point in the parents life, that they have to let go and let live. A good parent would not even try to come between their child and spouse, but speak when asked and let them deal with their own issues. And when I say speak when asked, I mean if she sees the couple having a slight argument in front of her – she shouldn’t just bud in and give her two cents saying, “What I would do baby is this ….”

Speaking from a WIFES perspective, I have an o-k relationship with my in-laws. I would love love love for it to be better. I think it was on it’s way to being great but they moved to another state 1 month before we said, “I do.” So now we actually see them a few times a year. And when we do, we get along just fine but it’s not all lovey dovey. I will say this about his parents, they do not get involved with our problems. His mother and father are still married and they are respectful to our marriage. She helps when I ask (if I ask and that is few and far in between). I never see my husband running to his mother about me or our problems.

I will say this – at times he did call them, we agreed on calling them before he made the call. And if we ever call – for us, it’s a question about the kids, food, house stuff…. NEVER ABOUT OUR PERSONAL ARGUMENTS (again, unless we agree together to call them). And honestly, his mother has taken my sides quite a few times! But if it’s an issue where your husband is always calling his mother, always…. ask him WHY? If my husband was always calling his mother (besides the regular check up and I love you calls) to ask advice and talking about US (you know what I mean), I would wonder what he really thinks of me, or us!

Why can’t we (meaning you all) just work it out? Why bring the parents into it? As for my mother, she hardly knows anything personal that goes on in here! If she knows it, it’s because she was over here when we were talking about it! But you have to know my mom to know why! Hope this helps, and I hope some WIFES chime in. God’s Favor.

What do you (as readers) think about this? 
Motherhood Monday

8 Tips on How to Create a Family Motto | Motherhood Monday

Guest post by: Toiia L. Rukuni How to Create a Family Motto

A family motto is used to promote unity and focus on a mutual philosophy. Many families adopt mottos or slogans as a guiding principal. Good family mottos should be powerful, short, and clear. The slogans are usually short so young children can understand remember and to encourage good behavior and choices. I decided to introduce the concept of a family to my family at the beginning of the school year. I thought that it would be a good way to motivate everyone as we were transitioning from summer back into the school routine.


I feel that a family motto helps to motivate parents, children, and the overall mission of the family. We decided as a family that our family motto is “Get ahead or Get Left Behind,” we decided on this motto based on all the different milestones that are family began to achieve; including the first year of Elementary starting kindergarten, making career changes, my thirteen month old daughter learning how to walk and talk, eating healthy as a family, making fitness and wellness goals, and striving to communicate and pray together daily to reach our spiritual goals.

We are determined to have a family motto in our family to start a tradition and create a legacy. We use “Never give up,” as another family motto to stay motivated in all things we do and to remember to walk by faith and not by sight. I believe that these family mottos help to instill a sense of pride and purpose in my children. They help to keep us connected as a family and to know our mission for the week, year, and for life.

Choosing a Family Motto

  • Sit down with family with writing pens, and distribute them to each member of the family giving them the opportunity to share their ideas with the family.
  • Schedule a meeting that everyone can attend parents, children, grandparents if they reside with you, and close family friends that help in the daily life of your family.
  • Explain what a family motto is and its purpose. Keep it simple so the younger children can grasp the concept.
  • Give examples of commercial mottos like “Just Do it,” and “Have it your way.”
  • Write down the suggestions and ask for feedback.
  • Ask each member of the family to write their idea down on paper and share with each other verbally and on paper.
  • Once the family selects a motto, print out a few copies.
  • Use the slogan as often as possible, and agree to meet once or twice a year with the family to discuss the slogan and entertain suggestions for revision.

What is your family motto?



Toiia L. Rukuni is a writer, poet, teacher, wife, mother, entrepreneur, and community activist residing in Atlanta, Georgia. Currently she is working on a travel memoir about her travels to Harare, Zimbabwe and South Africa, and hopes to complete it by mid-to late 2016. Her first book of poetry “Daughter of the Diaspora Freedom from Within,” was completed in 2010.  She plans on creating an ebook of the same title. She recently started her own blog World of the Net in August 2013. She has contributed to other blogs such as Empress Chronicle and Bernetta Style. She recently received the Leibster Blog Award. She enjoys traveling, reading, working out, and practicing yoga.  In the future she plans on writing her second book of poetry and a children’s book. She is a graduate of Michigan State University, with a Bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education with minors in English and History. She completed her Master’s degree in Family Studies and minored in African Studies.