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Love

W.I.F.E

5 Ways to Make Time with Your Husband Count

I have been married for 13 years to my wonderful husband, and we have 3 very active children. One thing I love about our family is that we (my husband & I) are both very involved in our children’s lives; sports practices, school conferences, birthday parties and all things that involve them. We are partners in every way when it comes to our children.

People are always asking me, “Girl how do it you do it all? You are here, there, and everywhere!” The truth is, I couldn’t do it without the support of my husband holding down the house when I had an event to attend or work assignment to complete.

With that being said, it’s easy to take my husband (& marriage) for granted. It’s easy to think:

  • He will just be there because he loves me.
  • We have kids so they come before my spouse, he understands.
  • I don’t have to do anything extra for him in our marriage, because he already loves me.

Wrong! That is the wrong way of thinking. Even though I’ve been married 13 years, its still important to spend quality alone time with my hubby. He still needs to know that he is a top priority in my life (& vice versa):

Here are 5 ways to Make Time with Your Honey Count:

1. Go on an overnight stay-cation without the kids! You can go out of town, or stay right in your local city for a night away. Pick a cool hotel downtown and enjoy your city from a new perspective.

It’s something about a new environment that makes time alone sweeter.

2. Try a new adventure together. Don’t just go to the same places (restaurant, movies) when you are alone. Try something totally out of your comfort zone. Earlier this year, my husband and I tried white water rafting together.

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Honestly, I was scared the entire time I was on that boat, but he was there to hold my hand. Now we have the greatest memories about that experience.

3. Have a regular date night. When you have children, we as parents usually have a schedule or calendar we live by. We have one child at the bus at 7am, practice every Thursday at 6pm, etc.

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Well, put your your spouse on a calendar. Make your alone time with your spouse, just as important as your parental must do’s.

4. Create a common interest. When you two have something that you both love doing, you look forward to doing that thing together. For us, it’s working out. We enjoy going to the gym together and staying healthy.

Although my husband is NOT a trainer, he likes to tell me what to do when we workout. I usually let him, you all know about that male ego!!

5. A surprise love token. Don’t just treat your spouse to special things on their birthday or Christmas. Sometimes a “just because I love you” gift will melt the heart of your spouse because the gesture was unexpected.

Has your love ever sent you flowers to your job, just because? Or what about a dress you’ve were checking out from your favorite designer? How did it make you feel? Special? Appreciated? Wanted? Heard? I am sure all of these things are true.

My Love Gift to My Husband – JORD

Recently, I gave my husband a JORD Watch. These are amazing wood watches that turn heads everywhere. When my husband’s watch came in the mail, he was grinning from ear to ear. He put it on and started telling me about his favorite features.

My husband’s watch is in the Dover Series, Ebony & Rosewood:

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Rosewood and Ebony combine in this series to make our most visually arresting Dover. The depth of tone in the dark black ebony is grounding, the crimson of the rosewood energizing, the contrasts in extremes will ignite even the casual observer. Beyond being noticed, our Rosewood and Ebony is remembered.

 

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 What Makes JORD Special?

JORD is a company run by artists, designers, marketers, and minders who spend their days creating! Their main focus are creating timeless modern pieces.

Check out their MEN’s Shop & WOMEN’s Collection here:

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The thing about time is, you have to make it count. You have to make it count with your children, your spouse & for yourself. You can’t get it back, so make the best use of it. And with a JORD watch, you look good doing it at the same time.

Motherhood Natural Hair

3 Ways I Teach My Daughter to Love Her Natural Beauty

Bailee: “Mommy, when can I wear weave?”
Me: “When you go to college!”
Bailee: “Well, when can I get my hair straighten?”
Me: “Omg Bailee! Whyyyyyyy! Why do you want to mess with those curls?”

My daughter has asked me these two questions a few times. The weave question just happened a few days ago. I was caught off guard, and that’s why she got that quick response.

When I think about her questions regarding hair & make-up (yes she wants to wear it), I really have to look at myself. I question what I’m doing in front of her.

My daughter watches TV shows with girls doing girl things; hair, fashion, boys, etc. But more importantly, my daughter watches me. She sees me everyday at my best and worst. She asked me the hard questions:

  • Why are you putting on make up mommy?
  • Why are you adding crochet to your hair?
  • Why do you have on that “body shaper”? (I’m being transparent here)
  • Why can’t I do it? (This is the hardest one to answer)

When she asked me to do it as well, of course my response is no – but the hardest thing is explaining why. I tell her that she is beautiful the way she is and that she doesn’t need a lick of makeup. I tell her that people all over the world wish they had thick curls like hers.

She has a questionable smirk on her face and then skips out the door, but I can’t help but wonder is she thinking, “Mommy are you not beautiful the way you are? Do people all over the world not desire your hair? Why are you adding all these things to appear better than what you already are?”

It cuts me deep.

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The interesting thing is, I just started wearing makeup more within the last 2 years. And although I don’t wear it daily, it has become more of a routine. Even though my husband understands why I want to wear a little bit here and there, he still tells me “I’m cool with just a bit a gloss!” He like my lips popping and always tells me I don’t need anything else.

As for hair, I like to change it up with different styles, which has nothing to do with not loving my hair. However, my daughter may perceive it as something different. She may view it as I don’t like what I have, so I am going to change it.

Recently, I cut my hair off to start fresh and I wore less crochet (weave) styles. I’ve started experimenting with my short hair and including Bailee in the process with asking her thoughts on the results and letting her play in my hair.

As a young girl, I don’t want her only looking forward to the day she can change her look but love the skin she’s in & the hair she has right now.

3 Ways I Teach My Daughter to Love Her Natural Beauty:

  1. Reinforce Her Beauty | We (her father & I) tell her daily how beautiful she is, just the way she is.
  2. Support Her Decisions| We make it a point to ask her what she wants (clothes, hair style for the day, activities) and we listen to her WHY. Unless it’s not to her benefit to do these things, we support her decisions.
  3. Show Her Positive Images | Although she sees many different forms of beauty, I make it point to show her other beautiful little girls who look like her on a regular basis. Sometimes, I don’t even comment but just allow her to see the girls. She will then say, “OMG Mommy! She’s so pretty!” I respond with, “I know, she looks like you!”

Girls & Curls

Unfortunately, only 4 out of 10 girls love their curls, according to Dove Hair. The best way to change their perception is to show them how you feel about yours.

Dove Hair started the #LoveYourCurls Campaign, to help women and girls embrace and love their curls by ensuring they see accurate reflections of their hair in their everyday lives.

They’ve created Curly Hair Emojis & when you tweet the #LoveYourCurls hashtag a curly hair emoji will appear. You can download these to your phone as well.

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My daughter has a phone that she plays games on and recently started texting her bff and I. She actually uses tons of smiley faces to tell me she loves me! Now she can use emojis that represent curly girls!

I’ve learned that 67% of all women and girls agree that emojis let them express what they want to say better than words. Girls are growing up in a world of technology, but 3 in 5 women say they cannot accurately depict how they look using emojis.

Kudos to Dove Hair on recognizing this need and representing for curly girls everywhere.

I will continue to show my daughter curly images and reinforce her beauty. Her self-confidence in what God has blessed her with is very important. Before she starts changing her appearance for variety, she needs to learn to love what she has first.

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Dove. The opinions and text are all mine.

Ask Bernetta

I am Guarded. 4 Lessons I’ve Learned to Knock Down the Walls & Open Myself Up

Have you ever been in a room full of people laughing, joking and just having what seems like a great time, but you feel invisible? Or worse, you still feel alone.

What about people boldly telling you that you have a wall up, or you’re guarded and they can’t seem to get through to you?

About a month ago, I was at an event for an organization I’m a member of, and I got up to speak. After I shared some things about myself, I wasn’t ready for what came next:

A woman walked up to me and said, “So, that’s the problem! I always wondered what was wrong with you. I thought it was me. I thought you didn’t like me.”  Shortly after that, another woman said, “I always wanted to be your friend, but every time I thought we were making progress – you would back away. It’s like you would only let me get so far.”

These are sentiments that I have been hearing most of my life.

  • You are hard to get to know, but once I know you – I love you!
  • You have a wall up. You are guarded
  • You don’t tell anybody anything.

The funny thing is, those responses are from people that care about me. That have desired to dig deeper because they knew it was more than the shell that was presented to them. What I have found, is if people really don’t want to take the time to know me, their sentiments are different:

  • She’s stuck up.
  • She think she is better than me!
  • She think she’s cute!

The only one that is true is, I do think I am cute! But I hope you think you’re cute too!
#confidencebaby

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Anyway, after years of hearing from different people in different stages of my life that I have a wall up, and being in a room full people and still feeling like I am by myself – it was worth looking into.

I am guarded.

Why? Well, when I think back far enough, I think it goes back to the first time I was lied on by “my friend” in high school. I had never been betrayed by anyone and when it happened by someone that had the title of “best friend,” I think it made me look at “girl friendships” totally different.

I think from that point, I only shared so much of myself. I believe deep down, I was scared that it would happen again.

People who are guarded are usually:

  • Reluctant to share information about themselves that might deepen the relationship. When people meet and start to get to know each other, they usually start to share information about themselves, bit by bit. The more they share, the deeper friendships/relationships are developed. When someone who is guarded stops sharing on the surface level, the relationship could only go so far.
  • Sharing information makes them vulnerable. If they share too much, it can be used against them. They might be judged or betrayed.
  • Hide under the word, shy. It’s easy to say, “I’m shy” versus confronting any issues that may have caused you to go into a shell. Using the term, “I’m shy” is giving yourself permission to basically hide and stay in the background. That was my go-to phrase I used to explain my quietness, but people who really knew me always gave me the side eye when I said it, “Girl, you are not shy!”

How do you become less guarded and open yourself up:

  • Understand that revealing your flaws actually makes you more relatable. People who are guarded sometimes like to appear flawless, which apparently is a little annoying. When you actually reveal that you are vulnerable, it shows that you are just like the next person.
  • Be comfortable with secrets you share. When you share something personal, understand that you can’t control someone else’s response. When you are confident about what you share, no matter how personal – people feed off of your actions. You might think something is very terrible to share, but it could be very minuscule to the other person. Or it could be just what the person needed to hear.
  • Face the fear of being more open. The biggest part of being guarded is letting people in your space. Gradually open up as you feel comfortable by sharing more and more about yourself. Start with people you trust, and then move on from there.
  • Get professional help. Sometimes, our adult behavior is rooted in childhood memories. We don’t know how change or grow because the past has shaped us into who we are today. Speak with a therapist. They can help you dig deeper into why you can’t let go or keep holding on to your past.

One of many lessons that I’ve learned is that having walls up over the years doesn’t protect you from hurt, but actually sometimes keeps love & great friendships out.  So if you are guarded or have a wall up, evaluate if you are getting the life you wanted because of your walls.

Do you want more of an emotional connection with people? Will you allow people to actually “see” you? That’s a question only you could answer. A question I have to answer as well.

Are you guarded? Do you have a wall up? How’s that working out for you?

Also, check out Journals: Manifest Journal – Write until your dreams come true

Living Simple Living Smart Motherhood Monday Smart Simple Stylish

Rising Above It: My First Earth Angel

This post is brought to you by the makers of Pine-Sol® Products. I have partnered with them to spread the word about  the ‘When Life Gets Tough, Women Rise Above It’ campaign and sweepstakes. To enter the sweepstakes, visit www.womenRiseAboveIt.comAll opinions and stories are my own.

I lived with this woman until I was 7 years old. After I moved out, I spoke with her on the phone every day through my college years. Every thing I did, I would wonder what would she think. Would she be proud? Would this make her smile? Would she approve? She is my grandmother. My grandmother was my first earth angel.

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