Help, How Do You Handle a Disrespectful Husband?

Married life isn’t always easy, but with the right person – It is always worth it.

This post answers a question written to me by a married woman:

“How you handle a disrespectful husband. One that calls you out of your name, an example B*tch, etc!”

When I read this email, I sat still for a minute and thought WOW. Out of all the things that my husband may do, this is one thing he surely doesn’t do. And if he did, we would have a big problem.

I can’t even see my husband fixing his lips to call me a B*tch, alone or in front of people, casual or upset!

Now one question I pose to the WIVES whose husbands are disrespectful – was he this way before the marriage? I would think so and you either didn’t put a stop to it then or you thought he would eventually change after marriage or grow out of it.

I’m not 100% sure, but I find it hard to believe that he was never disrespectful before marriage and then afterward he started talking crazy!

Two Questions to Answer:

1. Let’s look at both sides – if he was disrespectful before marriage, you should have nipped that in the bud in the beginning of the relationship. If you attempted to do that and he would stop for a while, BUT somehow it would creep up again – then you should have put your foot down and left it down.

What type a man thinks its ok to call your lady or your WIFE out of her name and expect her not to be hurt or upset?

2. The other side – if he didn’t disrespect you before the marriage and started after you two got married, I would wonder what is currently going on with him.

Why the sudden change in respect towards you? And again, why are you allowing it?

I am not saying this is something to walk away from your marriage over, but it’s something that needs to be addressed because you are hurt and it bothers you.

I would discuss with him “Why does he feel it’s ok to speak to me like that and how does he think I should feel?” Some men have no clue what you feel if you don’t tell them.

They are not mind readers and sometimes don’t know when their actions are insensitive or hurtful. This is no way defending him disrespecting you, I am just saying…… TALK TO HIM.

Lastly, just note that it’s easy for him to start by calling you a Bitch. If you let that go, it’s only the beginning. What’s next?

Always always always stand up for yourself. If you “let it go” when someone treats you poorly you’re “saying” it’s OK. Expect more of it. 

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Ok wives if you’re reading this, chime in……




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  • kita
    October 1, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Hmmm my hubs has never called me out of my name before so this is a hard one. I would say they need to talk and she needs to demand respect or see if they can seek counseling. Disrespect is not okay I always look at how a man treats his mother. If he treats his mother with no respect I doubt he will treat his wife with any.

  • Daphne
    October 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    I say you got to check em… and right away. That’s what I did. My husband made this mistake very early on in our marriage when we were much younger a day when he had obviously lost his mind, LOL.

    He had stated he wasn’t calling me a B but rather saying at that moment I was acting like one. I had to school him, I also forgave him cause this is definitely not his usual character.

    We have been married now 11 years and trust and believe this has never happened again. He may think it at times (just kidding sort of) but wont ever fix his mouth to say it.

  • Daphne
    October 1, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    I say CHECK EM and CHECK EM, quick fast and in a hurry. That’s what I did, my husband made this mistake very early on in our marriage when we were much younger, a day when he had obviously lost his mind. Needless to say I was shocked and hurt.
    He said he wasn’t calling me a B, rather saying I was acting like one.
    I let him know first off there was no difference and it wasn’t okay at anytime.
    He quickly apologized and I did forgive him because this wasn’t his usual character.
    We have now been married 11 years..Trust and Believe he has never fixed his mouth to say it again. I think he was scared straight (j/k well sort of)
    SN: This is one thing I just don’t like, any man calling any woman a B, it’s so disrespectful and unacceptable

    • Soo Soo Tasty Cake Love.....
      October 1, 2012 at 2:38 pm

      Daphne I agree 100% some have seen their fathers do it so they do it. I also think we see signs of verbal and other abuse in the beginning but we ignore it. But you must check em like you said so they know it is unacceptable and disrespectful.
      Tastefully SoSo

  • Rochelle
    October 1, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Oh my land of living! This would be a gigantic, resounding HELL-LAH NO! I’ve got almost seven years in the game and I can say that your husband will only go as far as you let him. So, to echo some of the sentiments from the other WIVES, CHECK, CHECK and RE-CHECK him because no matter the reason…he still committed treason when he called your out your name. That is unacceptable and beyond disrespectful. You are his queen and deserve the UTMOST respect.

  • Rose's Daughter
    October 1, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Check him fast and in a hurry. Because if she doesn’t check him now, it becomes a habit because he thinks it’s OK. CHECK HIM!

  • Roxy Fashionista
    October 2, 2012 at 3:32 am

    I love that you added the tab, great article, we should never accept any disrespect of any kind, especially from love ones.

  • Ebony CPrincess
    October 2, 2012 at 3:43 am

    Okay, I’m not a wife so I will sit back and grab my popcorn on this one, but we’d need to seek some major spiritual guidance. I can’t imagine a husband making a complete about face, but I have literally seen it happen to close friends and family so….I just don’t know what I would do!

  • Katherine Phillips
    October 3, 2012 at 3:57 am

    I say whether dating or married as soon as you are called out your name or shown any form of disrespect immediately let him know you have a problem with it otherwise he will continue to do the disrespectful behavior.

  • [email protected]
    October 7, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    If you don’t marry a disrespectful man, you won’t have this problem.
    There are so many things that are glaring and wrong when you’re dating someone. If you marry them anyway, you get what you paid for.

    My husband has never done anything like this – even though we’ve had tons of heated discussions where we got our problems off our chest.

  • Danielle S (@Mamademics)
    January 23, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    This just made my blood pressure go up. I am entirely to temperamental for my husband to ever go there. It sounds like they might need to have a sitdown with a mediator.

  • Daisy
    June 2, 2016 at 11:22 am

    My husband been calling me names and disrespect ovee maybe 5 years now. How should i deal with this or what should I do? Ive talked to him but he seems like he doesn’t care and on top of that he’s a heavy drinker.

    • Bernetta
      June 2, 2016 at 7:48 pm

      Hi Daisy,
      What you tell someone in this situation? Would you tell them to stay? What does staying look like for you? Does staying look like more of the same? Does staying make you believe he will change? If he hasn’t stopped disrespecting you in 5 years, do you think it will get better in the next 5 years? How long can you put up with it? Why do you put up it? Because you looooveeee him? Honestly Love doesn’t hurt. It feels real good. So ask yourself is this the kind of love, “his kind of love” you want? Only you can answer those questions.

    • Jenny Oden
      July 31, 2017 at 3:17 am

      Daisy, you need to leave him, sweet girl! If he’s a raging alcoholic, plus obnoxious as all get out,you need to drop a very heavy boulder on his balls, grab his car keys, his walket & take his car & get out! Call your family & tell them he’s being not only disrespectful, but he’s also alcoholic & alcoholism leads to anger, control, narcissism, dangerous one at that, where he makes you physically & emotionally codependent on him, & he’ll use something to make you fearful of him, he will try to not let you leave, manipulate you! Everything you can think of! Alcoholics want you to conform to everything they say & if you don’t agree, then they’ll hit you with the beer mug, slap you, even yell at you! They’re rude &obnoxious & they won’t get better nor change at this juncture! My ex drunk all the time & he actually dropped the b-bomb on me cuz he didn’t want to spend time with me & my brother caught him saying disrespectful things & threatened to whoop him if he said it again! But I wasn’t ready to take that chance nor trust him any more! There was just too much uncertainty with him! He never valued our marraige! I was just a bet that he could get out of his parents house so he didn’t look like the loser he was & he admitted that to my mom! Get out while you can cuz it’s only gonna get worse with a drunk!!! Have a nice night & hope for a better life & relationship for you down the road!
      Jenny Oden

  • Zee
    January 5, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    My husband is terrible.
    His character has worsened.. He has time for friends only. Never communicates with me.

  • Katherine myers
    April 27, 2017 at 12:18 am

    I’ve been with my fiance for 12 years we got together when I was seventeen, we have two children a six year old and A 3 year old within the last two years we had a lot of change. We moved in with relatives to save money to buy a house while living with the relatives he change so drastically he became so mean once we finally got our house and moved in he didn’t go back to his normal self.. rather he continued being mean and disrespectful. he started lying saying he was going to work but he was out with buddies drinking and now recently he tells me he’s leaving to get cigarettes and doesn’t come back 4/8 hours doesn’t tell me where he is or what he’s doing then has the nerve to call me a b**** c*** every other name that you can think of and to get over it .. says he’s a grown ass man and he can do what he wants unfortunately I have no family close by nor the funds to move away so trying to figure out how to get him to understand this is not right very difficult

  • Ricki
    January 12, 2018 at 12:16 pm

    Hello Lady’s I have read every comment on here and I have been with my husband for 27 years .My husband has ran around to strip bars for so long I can’t even remember all the ones .And sometimes he never came home for the weekends and I was left alone to raise our son.My husband did what ever he wanted to do and when he wanted to do it ! I cryed everyday my heart ripped out to I got sick littery sick .He got cancer back in 2008 and he was still working and running to all nude strip bars .My heart has grown cold over the years and he doesn’t seem to know why lol.I cryed and was so sick for so long and he calls me the c word and other words.he tells me why don’t I just kill myself and he wishes I was dead.When I met him he was all over me but looking back it was just sex to him.He is on his 13th bladder and kidney cancer the tumors just keep coming back.Ian 52 years old and I feel 80.He beat me when so cryed .I to am sick now with a tease disease called chiari malformation there is no cure and doctors don’t know about it.just to cut part of your skill out the back of your head.Ian going depth and my brain swells so bad I can’t walk.I think I got this disease because of him kicking me in the head with steal tip boots who knows.But today Ian writing because every time I look on his iPad he pauses his history and sometimes he forgets to delete stuff there was meet sexy rushion girls on his history and in YouTube he has sexy girls ! All sorry stuff but that said HE DENIES EVER WATCHING OR GOING INTO STUFF ! And Ian crazy !!! He always gets to turn the tables on me .I want to cry my heart out as I write this.20 some years lost to a man who never really cared about me.All the nights that I cryed I swore that when our son grew up I would leave him .Out son is 25 now and Ian to tired and to old and never really been out in my own .Ian a strong believer in God my father and I ask him to take me home or to make things better .I give it to the Lord .Sad and sick in Maryland God help me .,,,just want to curl up and never come out of somewhere !God bless all you lady’s I know your pain so sorry !!!

  • Kelly
    February 11, 2018 at 12:06 am

    Rikki, your life story with your horrible husband is breaking my heart. Maybe try to get help from your doctors office. Maybe they know of a good womens shelter where you can get away from him and gain some peace of mind. Im praying for you.