Husband: “YOU ARE NOT CUTTING YOUR HAIR OFF!”
Me: “YES I AM!” screaming back at him
2012 was a rough year for my family. Quite a few life-changing things happened in our household and the stress took its toll on my hair. It’s also quite possible I was taking my hair for granted and it was now starting to appear thinner, the curls were looser & it just wasn’t as healthy.
I stressed my desire to start fresh with my hair with my husband and it never ended good. When my husband first met me, I had a short relaxed bob. Although he liked long hair, he said he saw my growth potential. This fool! SMH!!
Well, although I was already natural I styled my hair in so many different styles he wasn’t ready to see me in a short afro look. He wouldn’t like it and tried to tell me what to do to save my hair. He didn’t know what he was talking about!
I’m not sure what it was about this day, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to work and on my lunch break, I went to a local cut shop and cut it all off. I came back from work and people were asking me, “Are you ok?” I laugh at it now.
It wasn’t their response I was worried about, but it was my husbands. I tried to position my phone when I walked in the door to catch his reaction but my hands were shaking too much. I tapped him on his shoulder and when he turned around it was like the world stopped.
I saw disappointment, disgust & frustration in his eyes. He shook his head and said, “Babe, you cut your hair…” in a soft defeated voice.
When I first walked in the house, I felt courageous and strong. After seeing his reaction, I felt confused and questioned did I do the right thing. Unless the children needed something, he didn’t really speak to for the rest of evening. In attempt to make him feel better, I actually got braids a few days later.
(He didn’t ask me to do anything; I think I just thought he would feel better when I actually cut it. When he didn’t, I felt worse even though that was the best option for my hair.)
Not quite De Ja VU
Earlier this year, I received life-altering news coupled with career changes – it was showing in my hair again. I was afraid to bring it up to my husband, but I had no choice.
This time, I wanted to cut my hair off and wear it short. At first he gave me some pushback, then started to listen to me. I think he realized that I would eventually do it without his blessing and that wouldn’t be good for either of us.
Something shifted and he not only supported my decision, he actually took me to my hair appointment.
I remember sitting at the washbowl with my eyes closed and I felt someone kiss me. I opened my eyes and it was my husband with the biggest grin. He ran his hands through my hair and said, “Wow!” I smiled back and said, “Yeah, I know!”
With that small interaction, he let me know he supports me and it’s ok.
When I left the shop, the funny thing is, neither one of us really liked my hair. It wasn’t the fact it was short, it was the actual cut itself. It wasn’t like the picture at all.
Weeks passed and my hair started to grow back, although it was still short I was able to do my curly funk styles with it. I have grown to love it. What surprised me, was when my husband and I were headed out to an event and I grabbed a wig I made. My husband asked me to put it back and wear my hair. I paused and said, “Ummm really?” My husband said, “Yes, you cut your hair to wear it, so wear your hair. It’s fine.”
I threw that wig back so fast and walked out of that house with my short curls popping!
I’ve been married for 12 years and although I don’t style my hair for my husbands approval, it’s always feels good when your husband/loved one supports you. When you are at work, with your friends, at church it’s so easy to get crazy looks, questions & whispers about your hair. People will smile at you in person and quickly look crazy at a friend when you walk away. It’s a reassuring feeling when your loved one has your back with personal decisions.
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- Nourishes and strengthens
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For so long, straight hair has been the image of beauty. My husband admitted that his great grandmother taught his father to like girls with long straight hair, which obviously trickled down to him.
Dove Hair created a curly line for women and girls that are not afraid to allow their natural hair be a new standard in beauty. Young girls learn at a young age what’s beautiful by what they see in their house and influence from friends.
If we as mothers are always trying to hide our natural curls, so will our daughters.
My husband was right, I would cut my hair again without his blessing. However, his support showed me his shift in attitude and my daughter sees him tells me I’m beautiful almost daily even when my curly afro is lopsided.
Dove also created the #LoveYourCurls Campaign which introduces curly girl emojis. Now curly girls are able to text and tweet what they’re feeling which images that look just like them.
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Dove. The opinions and text are all mine.