Motherhood Monday

Rising Above It :: Motherhood Guilt

This post is brought to you by the makers of Pine-Sol® Products. I have partnered with them to spread the word about  the ‘When Life Gets Tough, Women Rise Above It’ campaign and sweepstakes. To enter the sweepstakes, visit www.womenRiseAboveIt.comAll opinions and stories are my own.

With the wisp of a wand, all of my children will graduate college, marry their soul mates, are successful business owners and will never struggle! That is if we lived in a perfect world. Unfortunately we do not, but as parents we spend our years trying to make sure our children are at least better off than we are. I am no different.


I always knew I wanted children, only God knew that I would have three. Years ago in my twenties, life was all about me although I did look forward to married life & parenthood. Fast forward into my 30’s, 10 years of marriage and 3 children later…. my thoughts are constantly on my children’s present and future.

Guilt. I work 40 hours a week and my youngest is 11 months. I feel guilty because I leave at 7:15 am to take my oldest two to school. I get home around 5:30pm and spend a few hours with my baby (& older children) before they go bed, only to do it all over again in the morning. I feel guilty because I am not there. I work because I am not financially able to be a stay at home mom. In addition to another side gig that sometimes pulls me away, I have started a small business. My oldest son told me, “Mommy, I miss you. You haven’t been with the family lately and I want to see you more.” Tears, tears and more tears. My tears. My husband is always with our children when I have to work or attend an event, and I didn’t really think my children noticed I wasn’t there but they do. I explained to my son, that I am basically working so they can have certain things (well all things). I tell myself one day he will understand and that millions of other mothers do the same thing, but it doesn’t make the guilt I feel go away.

Comparison. Have you ever compared yourself to another woman? How about another mother? I want to visit my children’s school more during the day. I want to volunteer in their class. I want to pick them up at 3pm and take them for treats. I want to actually play with my 11 month old all day, teach him new things and go to play groups. I actually know quite a few stay at home moms who appear to be living the good life. Good life meaning, they are able to be there more for their children than I am for mine.  I find myself comparing and questioning my motherhood.

Conclusion. I am a good mother. I love my children and they know that. Yes, I want to do stay at home mom things with my children, but I also want to be a businesswoman. The fact that I go to work doesn’t make me less of a mother; it makes me a mother that assists in providing for my children. I want to spend more time with my children, but I also want my children to eat and be clothed. I work hard not that my children won’t have to, but so that my children can see the value in working hard and pursuing your dreams. I just want to make their dreams a little easier to get to. It’s what a mom does.

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  • Daphne
    January 14, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    Motherhood, yes to balance it all can be a struggle. I am faced with Mommy Guilt as well, I actually quit a full-time job to spend more time with my son because I didn’t think it was fair to him that by time both my husband and I got home to spend time with him in was 2 hours until his bedtime. So I quit and took him out of daycare but I quickly learned being a full-time stay at home mom wasn’t for me. So now the guilt I don’t work full-time nor is my child with me every waking hour.
    Now I am looking for a 9-5, and hustling my real estate business and blog all to try and get ahead so my family can be in a better position. I want us to be able to elaborate family vacations and travel the world as a family and introduce my son to different cultures.

    • Bernetta
      January 14, 2014 at 2:24 pm

      Yes girl! I understand your thoughts!! The 9-5 then spending a few hours with the baby! I am here with you. It will all work out though.

  • Rochelle
    January 14, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    This is a great post. I shared my story with Pine Sol thank you for sharing yours. In reference to what you’ve posted… It is maddening when I think of all that I want for my child and I’m at work all day unable to provide that life. We drop him off at daycare at 7:20am and pick him up at 6:00pm. THAT is precisely why I’m working on making my gifts work for me so that I can be there for him more. Also, it’s a struggle being a creative with little time to create because I’m doing something for someone else all day. I TOTALLY feel your pain!

  • Katherine G
    January 14, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    I love this post. You gave a perfect view of the other side of things. I haven’t been able to find a job to save my life in over 2 years. I stay at home and I wish that I could find a job so that we can be more financially stable and so that my children can get the extras that I have seen other children enjoy. But I have realized over the years is that you can only deal with the hand that you are dealt. I am now pursuing other things to help my children and husband anyway I can. I wish there were more things that I could do but I figure they will come in all do time. We are also a one car family so although I am a stay at home mom I can participate in the many things I would like to participate in when it comes to my kids and school. I do compare myself to other moms because I see them as awesome. They are doing so many things that I wish I could do. Now I just hope to be the best mom that I can be and hope they remember that when they are older .

  • Jenn
    January 15, 2014 at 5:33 am

    Thank you for being genuine and sharing your heart. Mom guilt is a daily struggle for me. Being a SAHM doesn’t absolve us of it!

  • Wyomia H
    January 15, 2014 at 5:34 am

    My biggest motherhood guilt was trying to work part-time, attend school fulltime and be the best mother and wife I could be. My husband worked all crazy 12 hr shifts sometimes 16. There were days when I only saw my girls for 30 mins in the morning 3 days in a roll. My youngest started saying “Mom can you just tell your job I need you tonight?” Those words devastated me. My children understood I worked and attended school and needed to study but they needed me just as much as the patient. On my off days I would spend tine with them but not much because I was tired. Now that I have completed school I can be with them more. It was rocky at times but we made it through.

    • Bernetta
      January 17, 2014 at 2:13 am

      I am so glad you made it through. Man what your daughter said, made my heart melt!!

  • Pamela @ Still Dating My Spouse
    January 18, 2014 at 12:07 am

    Honey I know that feeling….when I worked in corporate america when my kids were at home, I would work 60+hours a week some months. I just had to know that the work was temporary but spend the time I could with the kids as positive effective time. I would be present with them when I was with them.

    don’t beat yourself up…do what you can and give them the time you do have & eliminate other stuff that is not important.

  • [email protected]
    January 19, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    Whether you stay at home or work, you’ll feel guilty. My family made a huge sacrifice for me to stay home with our son.
    There are things I’d like to buy that are not in our budget *right now.*
    So I feel the guilt and move on. Our children will remember the times we were there, not the times we weren’t!

  • Arelis Cintron
    January 20, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    I’m not a mom yet but I wish the same thing for my children. That I can make their dreams easier to attain. My hope is that by the time they come I can work less so that I too can not feel guilty about having to leave them early in the morning and not be stupid exhausted in the evening to only spend fleeting moments with them. I’d like to think that if I know I am doing all that I can for my children’s wellbeing that I would not feel so guilty, but like you mention it’ll probably still be there.

  • PammyPam
    January 20, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    every mother has guilt. we are feeling like we are never good enough no matter whether we work outside the home or inside. do yourself a favor and give up the guilt. do what you can when you can and change things if you can. You kids will see that Mom is a person who gets things done and will remember that later. be gentle with yourself.

    • Bernetta
      January 21, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      Thaks so much Pam!! I appreciate it!

  • Britton
    January 21, 2014 at 12:27 am

    First off, I was glad to see a familiar (name/blog) on my SITS tribe list! 😉 Secondly, I think we all at some times feel mommy guilt. As a mother of two, I feel it all the time, but for different reasons. I feel that sometimes I’m not as patient as I can be and I take it out on my children. It makes me feel bad immediately after. I also feel bad that I work on don’t see as often as I would like. When we get home it’s strictly to schedule and we don’t have as much family time as I’d like. All in all, I know what I do is best for my children and I’m doing the best I can!

    • Bernetta
      January 21, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      Hey Britton!! I was glad to see your name too!! I am so appreciate your words of wisdom!