W.I.F.E: How can you get your husband to be romantic without him telling what to do?

Dear WIFE (BernettaStyle),

Here’s a question I would like to ask, “How can you get your husband to be romantic without telling him what to do?”

I think that is a good question to ask. I invite all the WIFES that read this blog to chime in. I think that in the beginning, there needs to be a sit down talk about the things you like, desire or things that just turn you on. And give him and opportunity to do those things. I think that you should also ask him and listen to him about the things he would like more of and do those things too. You have to give to get in most situations, so if you are giving him the things that he likes but was not always expecting ~ it might make him think twice and want to return the favor! One thing about women, we have a tendency to want the world from the men in our lives BUT never tell them! So we are sitting there with our arms crossed, lips poked out and he is sitting there wondering what is wrong with us! We have to tell them first and give them a chance and time to respond.

In my household, my husband is actually the romantic one and he is the one that has expressed to me he wants me to be more romantic! Go figure. He plans our vacations, he’s the one that is researching the cities we visit for activities to make sure we have a good time. He is thinking about who will watch the kids so we can have alone time. I was very romantic in our dating years so I know I have it in me BUT…. I guess now I have kids, bills, businesses, and shoot LIFE! The last thing I am thinking about most nights are lighting candles, playing R&B oldies, and walking in the room all slow and sexy LOL. BUT he told me that’s what he wants, so once in a blue moon he comes home to a surprise! It’s puts a big smile on his face.

So I say talk to him and tell him what you like and give him a chance to respond.
Chime in WIFES!

(This was another popular postĀ from www.http://whyisntforevereasy.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-to-get-your-husband-to-be-romantic.html)



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  • Reply
    October 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    I wish my hubs was romantic. He use to be when we first got together but now it’s like what happened after you got me that was that. If we go somewhere I have to plan it.

  • Reply
    October 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    I agree with you! Everything in marriage always connects back to communication. How will he know what to do unless you tell him? My husband is like yours Bernetta, he plans our vacays, secures the baby sitter and generally sets the tone for what we do. I like to just let my guard down and be open with him..initally, it was hard to say “I want you to do this” or “Touch me there”. But, I learned to tell him what I need…I think he likes that and it draws us even closer to each other.

    • Reply
      October 9, 2012 at 3:45 pm

      That’s awesome Rochelle! (About it drawing you closer!)

  • Reply
    Portia Clyde
    October 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Netttttta MY girl!!! I don’t have a husband or a bf right now, but my boo will be home soon. He’s a good guy and he knows I like to be romance, but he has the hardest damn time doing it. He thinks I’m too picky and will give him the business if it’s wrong, AND I WILL!!, so I ask that he at least put in the effort. It’s so funny how ugly he looks when he knows I hate it. But I think I’m going to try to do more romantic things for him this time around. Like you said you have to give to get and in my case I have to do in order to train, lol. Love ya post chic!!!

  • Reply
    Marie Young
    October 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    I totally agree. I think for most women the simple topic of sex is almost taboo. However, learning your partners physical desires should happen in the beginning in the relationship and as things change (which they always do) its important for you to tell your partner how your needs have changed. There is also one more critical part of telling your partner your needs. The partner has to be receptive as well as non-defensive when hearing this information. It’s a two way street…

  • Reply
    Katherine Phillips
    October 11, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    My husband is more romantinc than me too. Normally I am the one who needs the wake up call about being boring. He usually just does it on his own.

  • Reply
    India Smith
    October 30, 2014 at 10:18 am

    Its so important to understand how our spouses actively love. Sometimes their romantic gestures are being placed right before our eyes but we cannot identify them, why? I believe in the book by Gary Chapman, “The Five Love Languages.” It expressed to me that affirming my love for my husband through words and romantic cards and notes was actually my love language. Therefore when he wasn’t sharing in this intimacy with me I was often discouraged. As many as the posters and this post has explained, communication is a key component in a healthy relationship. My husband and I learned to appreciate the nonverbal acts of love. I was able to see that his love language is the gift of service and he saw mine as words of affirmation. Thus we were able to take our intimacy to the next level. Ten years strong. Since we initially thought we were both being romantic, we had to take a step back and identify when our actions were ill perceived. Then communicated and worked toward putting forth the effort in each others favor. You have to tell each other what you like, Mind reading doesn’t come with the marriage vows.

    • Reply
      October 31, 2014 at 10:17 pm

      Thanks for your comment India. I loved your response and I agree, Mind reading doesn’t come with marriage. You have to communicate for sure!

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