W.I.F.E

Are You Sure Your Husband Loved You the Most When You Got Married?

BernettaStyle

On my way to work, I was listening to the Frank & Wanda morning show. It’s an Atlanta show that’s been on for years. Even though I live in Florida now, I still listen to it on my phone sometimes.

They shared a statement from another show that caused the phone lines to blow up and of course, caused me to think.

“Men don’t marry who they love the most. They marry who is around when they’re ready to settle down.”

You would have thought this statement was a breaking news story the way both men and women chimed in. What’s so interesting was how many men said this statement was true.

The men that called in were also married, admitting that the women they loved MOST were not their wife!

There were a few different things that led them to not being together:

  • They (men) weren’t ready to be married, but the women were and got tired of waiting.
  • The woman wasn’t ready to be fully committed.
  • Life experience – just off timing

Either way for whatever reason, when a man is ready to settle down, he’s ready. And if he’s with you – that’s who he will marry. That’s not saying he doesn’t love the woman he ends up marrying, because they do. They just love someone else MORE and many times live with the regrets of their choices. 

Of course, I started thinking about my husband and really wondered if I’m his 2nd choice. I didn’t have the balls to ask him because:

  1. Would he really tell me the truth? Would he really break my heart and tell me, “Yes. There was someone else.”
  2. What would I do? We’ve been married for 15 years now. If he loved someone more when we got married, what can I do about it now? Does he still love her? He hasn’t ever made me feel like it was someone else.

It started me thinking, how would I know if there was someone else?

  • Do I know if there was someone else he was in a relationship with before me? Most people have had previous relationships and been in love before. The thing is, has he really let go?
  • Is he still in communication with them? In secret or in the open? 
  • Does it feel like she won’t go away? Meaning, is she coming up in conversations from time to time. He is still emailing her, calling her sometimes.
  • Does he continue to justify this relationship even when you express your disdain?
  • You have that gut feeling. 

Also, this post is not about cheating. This is about was/is your (or mine) husband’s heart somewhere else.

Hmmmmm….. It’s really something to think about. 

I personally know a few guys that have shared with me that they married the wrong one. One was a friend from college. Let’s call him Q. He dated his girlfriend for 8 years, through high school and college. They were engaged and apparently he met someone else while in college. When it was time to get married he tried to break up with his longtime girlfriend, but she wasn’t having it at all. She was like, “No boo, you’re marrying me! I’ve given you 8 years!” He married her, but said she wasn’t his soulmate, someone else was. 

I’ve always wondered why he went through with the wedding when he really loved someone else MORE. However, he’s still married to his wife and they appear to have a great life. We all know about those “happy FB marriages”. But I wonder if he still thinks about his “soulmate”. If they keep in contact, and if he has regrets. 

It has to be a painful feeling to know you’re your husbands #2 when it comes to his heart. 

Yeah, I might not want to know that. Especially, if he’s staying with me. I’d have a ton of question?

  • So you loved her more then?
  • Do you still love her now?
  • Do you all still talk?
  • If you could be with her now, would you?
  • Why did you marry me if you loved her so much?
  • Are you just here because of the children?
  • and quite a few more 

Like I said earlier, my husband has never made me feel like there was someone else. However, if there were a previous LOVE, I would like to know who she is.

So let’s discuss! Do you think this statement is true? Are you sure your hubby didn’t love someone else more before you got married? It’s a hard pill to swallow. I will tell you this, if you ask your husband this question, even if it is true (meaning you weren’t the one he loved the most) he will not tell you. He knows that would hurt too bad. 

Here’s another man’s viewpoint on the topic:

Check out this tweet thread on the topic, 27,000 comments! She mentioned how many men were in her DMs sharing their stories of regrets. 

 

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4 Comments

  • Reply
    Stacie
    October 24, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    Wow, this is really tough because you may really not want to know the truth as it may come out that you were #2. I do believe it’s a true statement though.

  • Reply
    ChiChi Nwizu
    October 25, 2018 at 12:07 am

    Such an interesting topic. I truly believe this. Men take their time to get married and when they’re ready, the women they want are sometimes not.

  • Reply
    Kita
    October 25, 2018 at 10:17 pm

    I never heard this before but I believe it. Men move do differently when it comes to relationships.

  • Reply
    Mimi Green
    October 26, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    Current relationship: I think this probably applies to some. I know mine was in a previous relationship and they had their issues which is why it was over. He may have still had feelings for her in the beginning, but we are almost 15 years in. Those feelings been gone.

    Past relationship: I got married really young and I’m almost certain that I started out as his second love. As our relationship grew those feelings he had faded away. By the time we got married I was 100% sure I had become his #1 choice. Still, he was not the perfect fit for me.

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