Welcome to my first Ask Bernetta! I was too excited when I saw this in my inbox and eager to get the letter (and hear your responses) to you all asap. I will post the letter below in addition to reading it in the video. If you read the letter yourself, you can skip to minute 4:00 to go directly to our answer. Who is “Our”? I included my husband on this video. Based on the letter and the particular question, I really felt like she needed to hear both viewpoints.
Read (or Listen) the letter, watch the video and feel free to give your 2 cents as well!
Hi, Bernetta I am married and have two kids from a previous relationship; also, my husband have two kids from a previous relationship. He recently had to have surgery and now unable to work. We had a discussion before the surgery that I will join the military active duty to help provide for the family, he was totally onboard and supportive about the decision. The reasons why join the military are: 1) I have always wanted to join and serve my country but unable due to the fact I was a single parent. 2) This move will help use out financially including receiving a generous monthly stipend over $2000, including paying all school tuition and books, which mean I will not have to work as much while in school. I am currently in Family Nurse Practitioner School and will not be required to actively be involved in the military until I am finish with school. Upon entering I will be a Captain, with more sign on bonuses and incentives available, with awesome networking connections, and great experience. 3) Since my husband is unable to work now and will have to file for permanent disability, I will have to work even harder and more than I am currently working and plus attend school full-time until I graduate, and I will finish school no matter what. I have always worked very hard, working full-time plus overtime as a Registered Intensive Care Nurse. My husband was a truck driver and making a decent income, and throughout our 3-year marriage I carried on paying all the household bills, mortgage, etc. My husband was able to use his income to clear previous debt he acquired before I came into the picture, along with pursuing other hobbies such as DJ and photography, buying needed equipment etc., and basically doing whatever with his income. Now, the issue is he have changed his mind about me joining the military and want to sell cars, which he believe he will make a great income. I am okay with him selling cars and other hobbies such as DJ, Photography, etc, but I explained to him that is varying income and we can not based our finances on that especially just starting off. Another reason, he say he don’t want to leave his kids. We had the conversation before, and this was not a problem. He would have been able to have the kids for the entire summer and visit as much as he liked during the year (monthly if he liked, and able to stay as long as he needs by him not working) because our income will be sufficient to carry out this extra expense. I even stated we can only do this for 3 years, which will be my obligation, and I don’t have to resign if this does not work out, and we will be financially debt free. He continues to say he can’t leave his kids. I am making the sacrifice to leave my kids if I have to be deployed for a couple months, (If that happens); because I know I am doing this for them to have better opportunities and financially stability. I see our marriage falling apart because he is not willing to make needed sacrifices, and thinks I will continue to work like a slave to continue our lifestyle. I no marriage is for better or worse and I am okay when doing whatever if there is no other way, but there is, which will include our family having a better lifestyle, opportunities, and education. Also, I will not have to slave to provide this. So, am I being unreasonable?
Selfish or Realistic
Ask Bernetta :: My Response
Well?! What do you think? Do you agree with us or have a different viewpoint? Please share your thoughts for the young lady to see.
If you have a question for Ask Bernetta! Please email BernettaStyle@gmail.com with Ask Bernetta in the subject line.